Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Assemble Your Forces

P   R   E   V   I   O   U   S   L   Y      I    N 
S   P   I   D   E   R   F   I   N   G   E   R   S

    ‘I’m inside my own mind aren't I? Jesus.’ said Steph turning to look out through smoggy windows at impatient hand-sized spectators, their inane insistence. Like the proverbial moth to its flame, her fin sporting audience chose to swim again and again into the foggy glass, ‘Red Herrings’ drawn toward some fascination that Steph could not detect.

    After sweeping cake crumbs from her mouth, Steph limped over to the window of the living room, so fully aware now that this area, well it wasn’t a house at all.

    ‘The red man,’ said Steph, ‘the yellow baby…you’re all parts of Spiderfingers.’

    ‘We are all parts of here.’ replied the blue man.

    ‘How hard is it for you to be transparent? Can you not just confirm that this is my subconscious?’ her hand scratched at her scalp.

    ‘Best not to think too hard about it priestess.’

    ‘Stop calling me that.’ snapped Steph shaking her head.

    'If you want transparency you're going to have to speak our language.' said the blue man.

The room temperature suddenly shot up a discernible few degrees. Instantly, the windows became laced with condensation. Steph fought the urge to question the change. She had a good feeling about her conclusions about this environment.

    'Rationality is useless here.' she said turning to look out the window.

    'Aha!,' replied the blue gentleman, 'You're getting warmer.'

    Steph applied a finger to the glass. She closed her eyes. Pure instinct channeled through her finger tip.

    'The unmistakable death marks of the Algebra-Killer.' announced the blue skinned man.

    How the police hadn’t solved all this amused Steph slightly. These were clear dispatches and all because of the repetition of the number 26. She felt a pride playing gumshoe because Steph, why, she saw the letter A whereas everybody else buying the Evening Standard, well they would only see 1FROM26=7OF8. Steph took to scribbling out eight underscores:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The world focussed on the victim’s mutilation whilst Steph had triple checked her private deduction, that envisioning the first letter of the English alphabet was the cases big step forward. The alphabet was being used to send out an  letter communication. Moderately, she hoped for more slaughter to occur. The Agatha Christie in Steph craved fleshy hints, more evidence to complete the psychos puzzle – their eventual eight letter word memo to the world. She smiled as she wrote, but she felt hollow. She also felt unguarded here, now that she knew where here was.

‘The riddle is easy,' announced Steph, 'but the real mystery isn’t breaking the key. I still don’t know what word he’s trying to share.’

The blue man bounced on the spot in a rather undignified celebration shouting, ‘Very good Priestess! You're getting warmer.’ and to Steph’s astonishment, he began to chatter his teeth.

    ‘Sorry but, what are you doing?’ Steph asked.

    ‘Clapping!’ replied her arm-less host continuing his bizarre appraisal.

    ‘Ooookaaay…’ whispered Steph turning back to her blackboard window, placing letters upon each dash according to the code:

SUR_ _ _A_

She remembered the details of the case quite accurately. 18FROM26=3OF8 had been inscribed on the genital area of one Catharina Chevalier, Augustus’ girlfriend of five years – dredged out of their shared watery resting place. She stifled a bark covering her mouth with her hand, twisting the compulsive disorder into what she hoped sounded like a cough.

    ‘Shit,’ she spluttered as more yapping’s threatened to push themselves forcefully out of her throat.

    ‘Ah look!’ exclaimed the blue man, ‘Now, what do you make of Elemeno?’

    And there was the dwarf-sized creature atop the shoulders of her blue skinned host: Pint-sized Elemeno, a white question mark with spindly arms and white gloved hands, Steph noted wire thin legs beneath its question-mark torso. the animated curio was covered in blood. The creature wore shiny black shoes, looking through large Manga eyes, each the size of a baby’s head. Both optics levitating - as if by magic - on either side of its blood sweltering face. Elemeno, a living cartoon character standing two foot tall – it had scrabbled over the blue man’s back, dripping its red self all over him, for Elemeno’s chalk white question-mark skin was bleeding profusely now.

    ‘Now I’ve said my ABC,’ squeaked Elemeno in a girlish voice, ‘Tell me what you make of me?’ Elemeno’s arms outstretched wildly with the proclamation – blood slinging out across Steph’s chest and legs. Instinctively, Steph stepped back from the duo, her back against the window.

    ‘Good, good!’ said the blue man smiling up at Elemeno’s pin hole of a mouth, ‘What do you make of her Priestess?’

    Elemeno clapped her gloved hands giddily above her question mark head, blood spraying as she did so.

    ‘I do maths too!' said Elemeno, 'You wanna hear my maths?’

    At that moment the puss ridden behemoth that was the big yellow baby crawled into the room, its garbage smell fuming. Steph edged further backwards as ultra-fast electronic beats pumped out of puss drooling holes on either side of the beast’s head. Steph pointed at the yellowy sloth, ‘I go inside the baby's mouth to get out of here don’t I?’

    The blue man replied, ‘Yes, yes you do.’

    She paused in thought for a moment.

    ‘But if I leave now,’ she began suddenly, ‘…shit, why - why is this happening to me?’

    The blue man chortled as the music continued its streaming out, its tempo slowing down to something more manageable for dance. Elemeno dived to the ground obliging the percussive sounds with a four legged expertly executed expression. Without taking his eyes off her the blue man said,

    ‘You are now the heir to all that is Spiderfingers. Your life, the chaos-bomb, it’s exploded, made itself known upon the radar of servants to the most powerful. These aggrieved deities have weakened the army that would have protected you from their jealousy – they have your scent priestess.’ And he ardently nodded his head upwards to indicate Steph’s attention to the smoke, its hashish incense fragrance gravitating up from her crisping blazing hair,

    ‘This is their time and they will make mince-meat out of you…’

    ‘…Unless I have help.’ reasoned Steph stifling another bark, 'Unless I rally the Discordians to protect me.'

    ‘Now you see.’ said the blue man nodding, ‘and besides,’ he continued, ‘I am not He Who is Red, I can never leave here. You are the hope of the world.’

    ‘Now I’ve done my ABC,’ sung Elemeno exhaustively, ‘tell me what you make of me?’

    'ABC...' repeated Steph looking back to the markings on the window. She slapped her head, ‘Of course! ABC! The blood, the question-mark and - and…’

    ‘Maths! I can do maths too!’ said Elemeno mid handstand.

    ‘Yes!’ agreed Steph, ‘Tell me…Elemeno?’ she said looking to the blue man who nodded in confirmation of the name, ‘What can you tell me about the Algebra murders?’

    ‘I don’t know how to spell Algebra,’ admitted Elemeno, ‘Can you teach me?’

    ‘What can you spell Elemeno?’ asked Steph feeling the dog-sound rise through her windpipe and erupt into the air.

    ‘My ABC!’ sung Elemeno clicking her gloved fingers, ‘Please say I can tell you?’

    ‘Yes, yes, that’s fine,’ nodded Steph clearing her throat, ‘Tell me.’

    ‘Hooray!’ clapped Elemeno sliding along the blood slicked floor boards, ‘A! R! S! U! Erm…the next letters difficult…it’s new, I learnt it before you came…don’t you just hate forgetting things?’

    ‘Another one?’ said Steph bemused, ‘another murder then - wait hold on, if you’re part of my unconscious, how could you know of another murder?’

    And then...a bark. Another bark…and another…and another, Steph had never been more aware of her woofing condition or the pride she felt in keeping the subject to herself. And yet, she fielded no questions from her blue skinned attendee.

    ‘Maths!’ shrieked Elemeno bouncing up and down a dead Dilf’s belly, bluish excretion crapping out from underneath it, the fecal matter oozing out of the cadaver’s naked hairy buttocks, ‘I do maths too! Hey wait, what’s your name?’

    Steph ruffled her hair as she turned to her blue sage, ‘How do I know this?’ she asked, ‘Do I have the power to read minds or something?’

    ‘Don’t be silly’, said the blue man, ‘You are having a conversation with yourself.’

    ‘You call this a conversa…’ she coughed hard - a preemptive measure, a contingency against her body’s involuntary action.

    ‘A! R! S! U!’ said Elemeno leaping from one blood puddle to the next not missing a beat to Yellow Baby’s techno music.

    ‘Wait, how do you spell Aronson?!’ cried Steph as the house-filling rhythms acquired a sinewy baseline. The blue man stopped smiling and began spelling out, ‘A, R, O, N – oh honestly - you’re way off the mark priestess.’

    ‘Please stop calling me priestess.’ countered Steph.

    ‘Oh but that’s what you are,’ he smiled, ‘Now think, how can your subconscious know something you don’t?’

I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive

    ‘I love this song!’ said Elemeno singing along.

    …And Steph’s jaw dropped. Her eyes widened with new knowledge.

    ‘Because, because all of this, all of you, you’re all a part of Spiderfingers, and now you’re all a part of me. He knew who the killer was!’

    ‘Precisely.’ nodded the blue man chattering his dentures.

    ‘Why couldn’t you just tell me?’ asked Steph.

    His face began radiating the warmest of grins, ‘I’m just the way you like.’ he said slithering onto his front – the snake-like penitence from earlier. Steph nodded sagely finally realising that with all his lucidity, the blue man was a lesser example of Spiderfingers’ undying ego, a force of will that had chosen to incubate itself inside of her awareness. Of course it would present itself in riddles; Spiderfingers can’t be straightforward, and so it would reason that neither would his fragments of psyche. Steph began her barking again wishing it would desist as she ruffled her hair vigorously before pointing at the window,

    ‘What does this spell Elemeno?’ her hand tapping the eight letter vagary whilst a long series of yowls erupted out of her.

    Elemeno upped onto her feet, a swift recovery from a deftly performed (not to mention blood swirling) upside-down break dance.

    ‘What does it spell?’ echoed Elemeno, ‘I don’t know but – Oh! I remember my new ABC! It’s L! A - R - S - U...L! Woohoo!’

    The room began to shift to the side as the fish outside the glass began their jetting away. The television, broken furniture, and a smashed overturned Hi-Fi skidded from one end of the room to the other. Vicky’s arm rolled after the clanging chaos as Yellow Baby’s dance tune played on with Elemeno chirping in gleeful accompaniment,

And I'll survive

    ‘I will survive, oh, oh!’ sang Elemeno as the floor beneath them all slid further to the left.

    ‘Wha…what’s happening to the room?!’ worried Steph aloud.

    ‘Do not be alarmed,’ said her blue man in reply,

    ‘We feel that it is now safe for you to return to the outside world, resume your survivalists quest!’

    Yellow Baby crawled forward towards Steph opening its jaws. She barked hard. Indeed, she felt if she hadn’t been holding onto it more, the noise would have emerged much more violent,

    ‘Wait,’ she blurted holding her hand out, ‘I’m not ready to leave…’

    ‘I will survive -’

    ‘Shut up Elemeno!' yelled Steph, 'Blue man, where am I going? I’m not done figuring this out.’

    ‘Assemble your forces,' cautioned the cross-legged sage, 'Minions have the scent of your smoke in their nostrils and they only live to spike your meat upon their teeth, their masters have raised them so.’

    The big yellow baby began tickling its sweating pimple ridden belly as its open mouth revealed a lolling tongue, a snaky meaty muscle covered in thick brown gooey saliva. And upon the writhing flesh were a pair of glittering ruby red shoes. Distant street sounds emanated from deep inside his widened jaw. The vroom - vroom of a motorbike.

    'Come along Elemeno,' announced the blue man arising, 'let's go see if He Who is Red has found that godawful Mr Lime.'
N   E   X   T      T   I   M   E      I    N
S   P   I   D   E   R   F   I   N   G   E   R   S
    ‘Fucking Anubis!’ screamed Saul.

    ‘What’s this now?’ Steph screamed back.

    ‘Your barking!’ shouted Saul over the increased growl of the speeding vehicle, ‘I'm so thick...It’s motherfucking Anubis!’

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